Help! Where Has My Love Life Gone?
I encountered a heart rendering story about a young mother that recently had a child and complained about how the intimacy within her marriage seemed to have died. She described how her husband withdrew from her sexually during the pregnancy. Unfortunately for her, this behavior continued and she could not understand why this happened.
Had she asked her husband what the real issue was? No. Often people are afraid to ask the questions because they are afraid that they will be rejected. They are afraid in some way it has to do with them. So the old addage, ‘ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies’ seems to play out in a lot of relationships.
The problem with this kind of approach is you then turn into prospective mind readers. You rely on cues to tell you the whole story and use your imagination to fill in the rest. This approach will result in a relationship built on mental mythologies. You have to be able to talk about these areas in order to build stronger bonds of trust within the relationship.
For this poor woman who was filling up her mind with all kinds of self examination issues failed to see the common thread, her pregnancy. For a lot of men, seeing their wife or partner transform from a lover role into a mother is pretty intimidating. Some may fear causing injury and others may have role ambiguity that contribute to their inability to have sex.
This woman could have compounded the problem by filling up her mind with all kinds of other scenarios and suggestions. The real issue was she never simply sat down and asked the questions. To ask for sex is one thing, but to ask in a gentle manner was another. You open up doors of trust and vulnerability when you go into areas where a person is free to share what the real issues are.
She took my advice and did get her answers. It should never have to be an act of courage to pursue the truth. You can never truly deal with a problem as long as you bury it under lies and inuendo. Once you know what the problem is, then you can work on a solution together as a team.
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Filed under: Erotic Confessions
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